Not wanting history to repeat itself!

After being tormented, abused and made fun of your entire life, and being told that a loved one was entering the same cycle, he decided that he was the only one to step-in and help.  In March of 2004, shortly after returning from a trip down south, a telephone call was received informing him that his nephew was being going to be removed from his parent's house yet again (for the third and final time) by the department of community services. The department of community services was looking for someone in the family to care for this child, and if this child did not receive some care in his day to day living, he would be going to foster care. Being shocked and surprised that no one in his family was willing and able to help this little boy from this miserable life style and remembering everything that he went through as a child, how all of his parents friends and family knew of his abuse, and that no one did anything about this, he knew that he needed to help in any way he could.  

The grandmother of this child wanted nothing to do with him at the age of five (due to what she believed was his dangerous behaviours), and although his grandfather and nanny loved him very dearly, they were not of an age or financially capable of caring for a five year old boy long term. The way the story was told, due to the child being removed several times already, on Monday morning social services were apprehending the child for the fifth and last time.  If something was going to be done, it needed to be done immediately.  

A telephone call was placed to the "sister" asking what was going on, she cried and said that she was not able to care for this child as he had severe mental and behavioral issues that she was unable to care for, and said she "did all she could do", even though the child was being abused, locked in his room on constant time-outs, she was at "her wits' end" and knew that this would be the last and final time that she had care and control over her son.  A conversation was had about instead of sending this young child to social services, a call would be made to social services to see if her brother was able to care for the boy in another city. She was told that "she needed to know that once he came to live with him, he was not coming back to her, he would be adopted and know the uncle as his parental figure."  The uncle could not and would not see him go back to that environment.  She was ok with this as she did not want to see him go to a stranger in foster care. Listening and speaking with her, he heard some type of feelings for the young boy, which as nice to hear, because as the stories where told there were a lot of abuse happening to this poor boy.

After ponding whether or not this was the right decision for both parties, and not wanting history to continue repeating itself, Monday morning a telephone call was placed to social services, where they were happy to hear that someone in the family was willing and able to look after this five year old boy.  After the call to social services, the child was temporarily placed with his grandfather until Wednesday came, which was the day they set for an appointment to meet and review the needs of the child.  In seventy-two hours this man was going to be a father for the first time, and for the first time this child was going to have a stable and loving home.  As you can imagine, there were lots of nerves and wondering "what he got myself into."

Not knowing what he was doing or what he was up against, he traveled to the offices of social services with his roommate (at the time) and during the meeting, social services were satisfied that he was able to care for the child, access was granted to this child.  Once at the child's temporary placement, he noticed the young boys behaviors were very erratic, lots of crying and convulsing to the floor when he did not get his way.  Nerves at this time overcame him, he did not know what was going on, how to deal with what he saw.  He knew that from this day forth and after becoming a single parent within 72 hours he would need to get to the bottom of these behaviours. He wanted the best for this five year old boy, he knew that he had a hard enough time in life and now it was time for him to start living. 

After getting home and getting situated - the child was starting to act out (which I knew to be totally understandable, he's in a new home, with new people, and a completely new environment,  plus, he had no idea what was going on), I sat the boy down and tried to reassure him that this was his home and that if he needed or wanted anything all he needed to do is ask. 

As everyone was approaching home, he noticed that they boy seemed at peace, he was happy and chatty a nice change of events from what happened earlier.  Once everyone arrived home, play time and treats were had prior to bed time.  A conversation comes to mind after the young boy changed into his pajamas.  Once the child knew it was time to actually go to sleep, the behaviours started again, after a few moments we were able to calm him down some. We wanted to let the child know if he was misbehaving and unable to calm down, he would be going on a time-out or to his bedroom to think about his behaviours, where he could be a calm down in his own environment and then when the time out was over we could talk about his feelings." His response was "so you are not going to throw me out the window?" Turning to his roommate in shock as he heard this from a five year old boy, was very concerning and left him a little choked up about the fact that this was what was told to a five year old boy as a form of punishment. After hearing this, he knew this was obviously the best situation for him.   The uncertainty he had over the past 72 hours, left him shortly thereafter.
 

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