As an adult, being the black sheep of your family and feeling unloved and unwanted can be a particularly challenging experience. While some individuals may grow out of this feeling or find ways to cope, for others, it can become a pervasive and damaging issue that affects their mental and emotional well-being.
When a family ignores or dismisses an individual, it can lead to feelings of rejection, abandonment, and low self-worth. As a result, the individual may struggle to form healthy relationships, both with themselves and others. They may feel like they do not belong anywhere and that they are unworthy of love and affection.
In the fall of 2022, I met someone online and I attempted to open myself up to be with him, when it comes to me and being in a relationship, I don’t ever give it a real chance and I call it quits before it ever develops into anything, so I thought I needed to try harder – especially with the horrible relationship that I have with my family, more so, my so-called mother and sister, and some so-called friends nearly six years ago, they all tried to ruin me on social media. I was complete shocked by my mother getting involved, but then again, I am not sure why I was shocked as over the past few years my family dynamic was not always the best with both her nor my sister, they decided that they would talk derogatory about me and try to ruin my reputation to anyone who would listen about the fact that I allegedly took money from my grandmother prior to her passing, when in fact it was gifted to me, while in fact she was doing the exact thing which she accused me of to my grandmother, her own mother while she was alive. Talk about deflecting…
When my grandmother passed away, my mother had several thousands of her dollars hidden in her home, then proceeded to blame me for taking it when in fact it was gifted to me years before her passing. When my grandmother passed away, my mother proceeded to buy her and her boyfriend a new truck, move into a new apartment (bigger and more expensive), then gave all of her brothers and sisters money from the wealth that she had hidden in home from her mother, not to mention whatever else she needed during the time she overseen my grandmother’s money for the years leading up to her passing...
If you are anything like me, you want to believe the best in everyone, and go about your day-to-day life with a smile on your face and believe that most people you encounter are friendly, if you are lucky, you can call them a friend, and even have the best intentions for you. And you even give other's the benefit of the doubt because you’re trusting… However, I am here to tell you that when you notice a pattern of how people treat you, listen. Listen to your gut when it tells you to pay attention.
I know that we’ve all heard the lines, "we should get together for that drink", or "let's connect", or my favorite is when you are told "I am here for you, if you ever need me just give me a call." Well, I am sure you are like me, and don't ever place that call because you are afraid of being let down. From a very young age, I have learned to depend on me, and only me. I have never had the support from my family to entrust that they would support me if I needed them, so I never needed them. But things hit different when it's your chosen family, those who you've come to count on for being in your life, you know, your friends. So, notice the patterns, notice who’s always checking up on you, who’s there for you, and believe in actions, and not just words.
There is definitely something to be said about doing mean things to someone and then pretending that you are the victim. There are reasons why you do what you do then deflect the pain onto someone else. These actions are called being a "narcissist." When a narcissist plays the victim, this is part of the complexity of narcissistic personality disorder. The tendency to have low introspection combined with an exaggerated sense of superiority may leave them unable to see the situation in a way that doesn't fit their worldview. As a result, they may “play the victim” in some scenarios.
When you do horrible things to others, then blame them for the outcome this reflects you and how you live your life. Taking ownership of one's actions and suffering the consequences of said actions is a part of life. In some cases, your consequences are that you need to live your life away from the person you most need, even if they are the best part of you, or someone you most want to be with in the world but cannot be due to your actions. What if your actions to this person were so despicable you can never recover?
After being tormented, abused and made fun of your entire life, and being told that a loved one was entering the same cycle, he decided that he was the only one to step-in and help. In March of 2004, shortly after returning from a trip down south, a telephone call was received informing him that his nephew was being going to be removed from his parent's house yet again (for the third and final time) by the department of community services. The department of community services was looking for someone in the family to care for this child, and if this child did not receive some care in his day-to-day living, he would be going to foster care. Being shocked and surprised that no one in his family was willing and able to help this little boy from this miserable lifestyle and remembering everything that he went through as a child, how all of his parents’ friends and family knew of his abuse, and that no one did anything about this, he knew that he needed to help in any way he could.
The grandmother of this child wanted nothing to do with him at the age of five (due to what she believed was his dangerous behaviours), and although his grandfather and nanny loved him very dearly, they were not of an age or financially capable of caring for a five-year-old boy long term. The way the story was told, due to the child being removed several times already, on Monday morning social services were apprehending the child for the fifth and last time. If something was going to be done, it needed to be done immediately.
Being born into and growing up in a loveless home was difficult for me. Being the middle child of three with an older brother and a younger sister, I always felt as though I needed to work extra harder to seek any type of approval; whether it was for affection, attention or just to be heard. After speaking to many middle children, I know I am not alone in the way I was/am feeling.
I remember receiving spankings because I was unhappy, sad, or simply crying and being told “if you want to cry, I’ll give you a reason to cry,” then remembering a leather belt being ripped from my father’s belt loops, being grabbed by one arm and spanked repeatedly with the other. This would go on for 10+ whacks, sometime more. I was lucky if I only gotten 10 whacks with a belt prior to bed.
Growing up, my mother and I didn't have a typical mother and son relationship. When I was a baby, she was very abusive and neglectful to me, she would barely hold or change me, she would just let me cry, cry and cry, it was my understanding that family members needed to do it, or if she did console me, it was very irregularly. I have been that my family members, such as my father’s mother, father’s sister, or my mother’s mother did most of my care as baby. This type of pattern continued through to my adolescent years.
I had also been made aware that if my mother’s father would not have passed away when I was one year old, my life would be very different today. It was told to me that my mother’s mother and father took care of me regularly, I was my grandfather’s favorite. There were a lot of stories being told about he and I eating cheezies, and him getting up with me in the mornings to let my grandmother sleep-in when I needed changing or was fussy. These are the stories I love to hear, the stories I keep close to my heart.
If you believe in immaculate conceptions, you will be misled as this is not that kind of story.
In a rural part of the province of Nova Scotia, there was a sixteen-year-old girl, named Patti, Patti lived at home with her parents as all children do, especially in the mid 1970’s. As the youngest child of nine, it was customary for her to hang out with her sisters, Lilly, and Lizabeth, along with her brothers, Willie, Peter, Matthew, and Mikey. As all teenagers do, she and her sisters began to rebel against their parents and started hanging out with boys in town, drinking, smoking and not listening to their parents as to what they should be doing for young ladies their age. With the girls not listening and doing what they wanted, when they wanted, and sometimes it got them into trouble, however, despite Patti’s older brother Matthew trying to protect and keep his sisters out of trouble, Patti ended up meeting a good looking dare-devilish older man from around the block, she and Robert began courting one another and hanging out, soon she introduced him to her family, immediately, they did not approve of him as they were told of stories of him and his family and did not want their youngest daughter to be hanging around “the likes of him.”